Previously on The Closer:
Armand, are you aware that your sister, Anila, had a son?
- What? - His name is Skander. He's here.
- How'd you like to go with your uncle? - My Uncle Armand's dead.
- Recognize that man? - It was my father. Shariq.
We found the old man's daughter. Her throat's been cut.
Okay. Uh, Buzz, if you're through in there?
I have pictures of all of our victims out here.
Yeah, Buzz, get these, uh, books here.
This is Skander's grandfather, Shariq.
Run over by a police car while he was trying to murder his son.
Skander's mother, Anila, and aunt, Sara.
We found them with their throats cut.
And this is Skander.
Who we currently have in L.A.P.D. custody.
Lieutenant, are you all right?
Yeah. Mm.
Okay. Rigor's setting in so I'd put time of death between two to five hours ago.
So when Skander was with us.
She's got a good sized hematoma on the back of her skull right here.
So the killer knocks her down. And then he slits her throat from ear to ear.
- Just like her sister, if it's her. - It is, chief. Sara Marku Miller.
She's a nurse at St. Sebastian Hospital.
Someone's giving this family their own private genocide.
And for Christmas, no less.
Yeah, well, killer broke in and probably waited for her to come home.
Got a printer and a router, but no computer in sight.
Again, just like her sister.
Lieutenant, uh, let's amend our warrant...
...to include Sara Miller's Internet service provider, please.
I'd like access to her e-mail.
So Shariq Marku, two days ago, dies trying to kill his son, Armand.
And then Shariq's daughter, Anila, turns up murdered.
And now his other daughter, Sara, also murdered?
Skander's the one who hasn't been touched.
He also told us that his Uncle Armand was dead...
...and that his aunt lived in Kosovo.
If we're straight with him, he'll be straight with us.
I think it's time to tell that boy what's going on.
I hate to ask you, but you spent the most time with Skander.
- Would you? - Right.
- If you could...? - Right. Okay.
I'II, um...
I'll talk him through it.
Detective Gabriel, would you call in Dr. Morales to perform another autopsy?
Preferably tonight.
Chief, I'm pretty sure the doctor's gonna have a problem with that.
Why?
Because I was supposed to be in Palm Springs yesterday.
You keep special requesting me, now I'll miss meeting my boyfriend's family.
I'm sure they'll all be even fonder of you once they understand why you're late.
What's wrong?
"Miss Miller." Is she related to the woman you brought in?
Yeah, she's her sister. Why?
Lots of the same old scars.
She was tortured.
Brutally. Burns. Looks like the same kind of heated knife used on the other woman.
Let's concentrate on what happened.
Yeah, like this wound going across her neck here.
- Tell us about the knife used. - Razor sharp. It cut from left to right.
Aside from that, there's no way to match it to a weapon.
The m.o.'s the same, other than that, we've got nothing.
I'll go over her sister's body, see if there's anything else in common.
Does that mean you have to miss dinner with your boyfriend?
Kyle and his family should spend some time alone.
You're welcome to have dinner with us.
Mom and Dad are in town and the whole division is coming...
Oh, that sounds merry.
I'll think about it.
Are you okay, doctor?
You know that moment when it suddenly begins to feel like Christmas?
- Yes? - Not happening for me.
All right. Bye-bye.
Not to worry. The black-and-whites are all in place at the Marku residence.
Armand, his wife, Joan, his kids...
...parents are safe and accounted for. - Thank you, lieutenant.
But, uh, Mrs. Marku's getting bent out of shape a little.
- Already talking harassment. - Well, as long as they all stay alive.
Chief, so I left messages at the Kosovar consulate and at Interpol.
See what I can find out about blood feuds.
You got your Bosnians, your Serbs, your Croats, and your Albanians.
They're like our gangs. Only they've been fighting each other for 800 years.
One thing I did come across, this Albanian code of honor known as Kanun.
You can't kill anyone inside their own home.
Also, it absolutely forbids the murder of women.
Yeah, but you get a free pass for the rape and for the torture?
Lieutenant, how's it going with the boy?
Well, for a kid who just found out...
...that his family has been annihilated, about what you'd expect.
Well, did you ask Skander why he told us that his uncle was dead?
That his aunt was in Kosovo? Anything about the e-mails?
Chief, please, he's been crying most of the night and...
Well, I'm not doing so well myself anymore.
Let's just give him a minute, huh?
Um, ahem. Who should I ask about delivering the Christmas gifts...
...to our kids at the shelter?
Good morning, Major Crimes, and, uh, Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas. What a surprise to see you here this morning.
Two of my kids woke up sick, so I thought, "Hey, why not go to church?"
Unless you need me to do something for you.
Chief Johnson?
Uh, yes, actually, there is something that we could use your help with.
- Isn't that right, lieutenant? - Great.
How are you at "ho, ho, ho"?
You can now hear the 911 calls made during Shariq's attack on his son.
I thought you dropped those off at the lab.
I did, since they won't get to it till tomorrow...
...I thought maybe your team could sort it out.
First I combined the background audio from all the calls...
...to our 911 operators during the attack.
I added the sound portion of the film our witness took with his cell phone.
After which I managed to cobble together...
...the argument between Armand and his father. Merry Christmas.
- Would you like to hear it? - Yes, I would.
- A request, first. - Certainly.
Since I worked hard to put this tape together...
...I would like another chance to talk to Skander.
Oh, that's still a...
Because if I could get that boy to change his ridiculous story...
...about Chief Pope kidnapping him, holding him at gunpoint...
...I may be able to make the last flight to Salt Lake and get to Park City.
- Skander's in a difficult place right now. - Five minutes.
- He just found out. - Then get Joan to drop the lawsuit...
...then I'll be gone for weeks. - All right. Look.
When Lieutenant Provenza comes back in to talk to the boy...
...in addition to our questions...
...I'll get him to drop the charges, you're free to go. Is that right?
Fine. Thanks. Buzz, play the tape.
That you worked so hard on.
- It's still in Albanian. - Of course it's still in Albanian.
- It's always been in Albanian. - I assumed you had it translated.
Where am I gonna get an Albanian translator on Christmas morning?
Excuse me, chief. I just got access to Sara Marku Miller's e-mail account.
And I came across a batch of messages she sent to her sister, Anila.
These are in Albanian too.
Yeah. Sorry about that. But, look.
The day before everyone in this family started dying...
...Sara sent Anila this photograph.
Joan Marku.
That's why the computers were stolen, so we wouldn't see these e-mails.
Would you please, um, have Armand's wife brought back in here?
I need to talk to her.
Hello, Fritzi.
Honey? We've got a bit of a problem here.
Fritzi, let me.
Brenda Leigh, there's been a terrible crime.
What? Mama? Where?
- Right here at your home. - Let me have that.
We need police assistance and we need it right now.
- Do you copy? - Yes. Yes, Daddy. I copy.
I'm on my way.
Brenda Leigh. Brenda Leigh.
Brenda Leigh, we've been robbed.
Oh, Mama. Just calm down and tell me what happened.
I came out here.
I came out here to collect the Christmas presents and put them under the tree.
Well, the door was hanging wide-open.
- And the gifts had been stolen. - Aw.
Plus our microwave.
Isn't it lucky your father found the crime-scene tape in the laundry room?
I have an idea. Why don't we all go back inside?
Right.
I called 911 and told them what happened.
And the lady on the phone told me it was not an emergency.
Out-and-out stealing Christmas?
That's not an emergency?
Mama, I'm so, so sorry about this.
Tell me what's missing and we'll see...
Will you stop trying to find out what you're getting?
You do this every year.
Wait, wait, wait. How about this?
I will describe the wrapping paper...
...which was a beautiful combination of flying reindeer and penguins, elves...
Willie Ray, the wrapping paper would have all been torn off by now.
Oh.
Here's the truth, okay?
It's highly doubtful we will ever be able to get those presents back.
But you have to file a police report, so we'll just write it all down...
...and be thankful that the holiday isn't just about gifts.
You're right. That was...
That was very well said, son.
The tinsel, the mistletoe.
Those are not the reasons we get together every December 25th.
No. No.
What makes this holiday special is a poor baby...
...who was born in a stable...
...and the people who gather together to celebrate his birth.
Which is why, as long as we're here, the four of us, together...
...nothing else matters.
Ooh.
Deputy Chief Johnson.
Oh.
All right.
Just tell the Markus to, uh, stay calm and I will get there just as soon as I can.
Thank you, detective.
- Ahem. I'll try and make it home for dinner. - Oh, ho.
Try? You have invited the entire police department.
I know that, Mama. We're all gonna do the very best we can to get there.
I mean, here.
Oh. Uh...
Any luck getting my present from you?
You didn't really think I was gonna find an Albanian translator on Christmas day?
Oh, I ask you for one thing.
Mama, I'll come back just as soon as I can.
What are we gonna do about dinner?
I was doing some digging around. Four days ago...
...Joan Marku had outpatient surgery at the same hospital Sara Marku worked.
And then the next day, Sara sent her sister, Anila, this e-mail...
...and that's when everything went to hell.
What's it say, this e-mail? I need a translator.
I was giving it a shot with this Albanian translation's guide.
And I actually recognized a few words from this e-mail.
Hospital, ghost.
I'll keep working on it.
Wait a minute, chief. They both speak Albanian, don't they?
Yes, but which one should I ask for help?
Chief, before you decide...
...I stopped by the lab to pick up the DNA results we ran on the family.
It looks like we made a mistake when we handed in our samples.
But the results are pretty interesting.
I wanna know exactly why Skander...
...thought his Uncle Armand was dead.
Tell Lieutenant Provenza he needs to start asking Skander those questions...
...he's been putting off? - Yes, ma'am.
Since you've dragged us here...
...the least you can do is let us see Skander. Where is he?
We're concerned about releasing Skander into your custody...
...until we can confirm you're no longer in danger.
And you're concerned about our safety based on what?
Regrettably, based on another murder.
Your sister, Mr. Marku. Sara.
We found her dead. In her home.
Her throat had been cut.
I believe you warned your nephew about some sort of blood feud.
- Yes. - What?
Why would you say that?
I was sure my father would have started teaching Skander the Kanun.
If I told him our family was in hiding...
...a blood feud would help him understand why.
And blood certainly has something to do with it.
Miss Marku...
...we have something we'd like you to hear.
We paired the audio from the attack with a witness' phone footage.
It's only a small portion of the exchange.
It's a bit rough in parts, but you should make it out. And you can see everything.
You are not my son.
You're, uh...
Blood on your hands.
You are...
...ghost.
Ghost.
What does Shariq mean by calling Armand a ghost?
I... I don't know.
All right, then. How about this?
Can you account for your whereabouts yesterday?
My whereabouts?
Uh, I... I was with my husband.
And he'll back you up on that?
Are you suggesting I killed these women?
I am a human-rights attorney.
I have visited the remains of the village...
...where my husband's friends and relatives were murdered.
And I have spent the last 10 years of my life...
...seeking out the persons responsible for the...
This horrible tragedy that Armand was lucky to survive.
Ma'am, I don't know if I would call it "luck" exactly.
Chief, I just listened to Skander explain to Provenza...
...why he thought his Uncle Armand was dead.
And the story?
Well, it had a familiar ring to it.
It's why Babo hated the police.
I told him it was different here.
He said, "No.
The police are always bad."
That they kill people for no reason.
That's why he wasn't helping us.
His grandfather had a built-in distrust of the authorities.
Now listen to the rest of the interview, Mrs. Marku.
I think you'll find it very interesting.
So it was the Serbian police your grandfather was talking about.
I guess.
Well, he called them ghosts.
My mom called them that too.
Because they came in the middle of the night...
...out of nowhere and they just...
They killed people.
Like your uncle.
Just see if you can remember...
...what your grandfather told you about the night your uncle died.
Tell me the same way that he told you.
I asked him about it a lot.
What happened to my uncle?
Why they left Kosovo?
And he always told me I was too little to understand.
But one night last year...
...it was late and it was raining outside.
And he was sad.
And I asked him why. And he said, " It was raining...
...just like this." - Just like this.
The night they were coming to our village.
The ghosts.
I took Aunt Sara, Uncle Armand, and your mother...
...and we ran to the grocery shop owned by my nephew.
There was a basement there where we could hide with others.
And there was baby.
She starts to cry.
We try to make her stop...
...because upstairs, we could hear the men looking for us.
But she only cries louder.
And that is how they found us.
Three of them with flashlights come downstairs.
They took women away...
...and start shooting us.
I turned to protect my son.
And they shoot me in back.
I fall...
...and they shoot Armand two times in chest.
He falls on top of me.
And I am still...
...underneath my son...
...listening...
...as all breath goes out of him.
What about the baby girl?
She no longer cries.
What happened to Mom and Aunt Sara?
When the men took them away?
Terrible things.
Terrible...
...terrible things.
- "Terrible, terrible things." - Terrible, terrible things.
That's all he would say about it.
"Terrible things."
I've heard this story before and so have you.
Miss Marku.
There was one survivor, but we've heard it twice.
It's a mistake.
If Shariq and your husband were there...
...Armand was one of the men with flashlights.
Shariq wasn't there!
Our pathologist dug this out of the old man's back at the morgue.
It was lodged next to his spinal column.
We've identified that bullet as being from a Zastava CZ-99 pistol...
...standard issue to Serbian soldiers.
Armand is alive. He's alive.
When your husband's hand was slashed in the attack...
...some of his blood got on Shariq's clothing. We tested the DNA by mistake.
We compared it to the rest of the Marku family...
We found the man you know as Armand is not Shariq's son.
Anila and Sara are not his sisters.
But he is related to one person here today.
No.
How do you think little Skander came into the world?
He's not your husband's nephew.
Skander is his son.
And he's also living proof that you're married to a war criminal.
Why did all this turn up now?
Because you had a benign skin tumor removed last week.
Sara Marku worked at the hospital where you had your procedure.
We think that she saw your last name on the intake log and did a little research.
She found out that someone was living in L.A. disguised as her dead brother.
So...
So you're suggesting the man I married...
...raped all those women and he murdered those men?
- And then he took the identity... - Of the victim he most resembled. Yes.
- Armand Marku. - Oh, God.
Slipped out of Kosovo before anyone could point him out as a war criminal.
They specialized in identity theft.
We trained them in it. The Serbs.
Back when we thought the Albanians were the bad guys.
They practiced terrorism too, you know, the Albanians.
Both groups behaved badly and we changed sides several times ourselves.
Really? Whose side should we be on...
...now that Anila and Sara Marku's throats have been cut?
You'd investigated what happened in Armand's village.
Were you ever able to identify who was responsible?
No.
No names, no descriptions. Nothing.
God, I can't see Armand that way. I can't see it.
Three people who could see him that way ended up dead.
You said that you'd been trying for years to obtain justice for Armand Marku.
Here's your chance. We may not be able to get your husband for his war crimes...
...but he does have blood on his hands for the murders of Anila and Sara.
Blood on his hands.
Wait a minute.
After he came home from the fight with his father... I mean, Shariq...
- You saw blood? - No.
Armand walked into the kitchen and he'd changed clothes.
I asked him why and he said he was covered in blood...
...after the police car ran over Shariq.
But in the video, there was no blood on him.
What happened to those clothes?
He was so upset he burned everything. He scrubbed the car.
- The car? Was there blood in the car? - Yes, that's what he said.
Is it the same car you drove today? May I have the keys?
Yes, but I didn't see any...
Oh, my God.
Now, everything I've just told you is privileged. I'm his wife.
No. If there's even a trace of blood on that car, I can match it to Anila.
Wait, wait, wait. Chief Johnson, I know the law.
I do too, Joan. Very well.
Then you have to understand you've just wondered into murky territory here.
Let me be clear about this. I never saw any blood.
Not on Armand's clothes or in the car.
Everything I know comes from what he told me.
And marital privilege means you can't use anything I've said against my husband.
Oh, and the car's registered only in Armand's name.
- So you can't get a warrant. - I won't need a warrant...
...if I can see blood through the vehicle's window.
But there is something I need you to do.
And it might be very difficult.
What could be more difficult than this?
Joanie?
Are you okay?
I'm scared.
What did they ask you?
They wanted to know where I was at the time of Sara's murder.
What did you say?
That I was with you.
Okay. Okay. I will say the same.
What if they find out we weren't together?
What if they find out you weren't at home...
Listen to me, Joanie. They won't find out.
We'll be okay.
May we be lucky enough to call this our worst Christmas ever. Yes?
Our children too.
That's his alibi broken.
No expectation of privacy in a police station.
- Even if you're talking to your wife. - Doesn't get you for murder.
It might, just one minute.
But will they let us take Skander home with us, you think?
Probably.
They wanna make sure none of us are in any danger...
...from whoever killed your sisters.
Listen to me, Joanie. Listen. Listen.
There can be no "probably" in this.
- Tell me I can search that car. - I say you can, but here's the video.
Unfortunately, though the Marku car is in our parking structure...
We looked into it. Couldn't see even a stain...
...that would give us probable cause to search it.
Did you pull prints off the driver's side door?
See that Agent Howard gets a copy of those prints.
Let's put officers around the Markus' car. I don't want it leaving the premises.
This guy told his wife that there was blood in the car.
So open it up and we find the evidence...
...that ties this scumbag to at least one of our murders.
You cannot enter that car based on a conversation between husband and wife.
The DNA match between Armand and the boy gives us probable cause.
Not according to the U.S. Supreme Court.
Which regards marital privilege as, and I quote:
"So essential to the preservation of the marriage relationship...
...as to outweigh the disadvantages to the administration of justice."
Wolfle v. the United States.
We could let the car go. Pull it over for a traffic violation and search it.
As long as you swear you did not pull over...
...based on what Joan Marku told you. Can you do that?
The one person in my life I have always been able to count on.
Joan Marku said they'd never identified the Serb attackers from Armand's village.
If that's true, I think I have some other way to arrest her husband for murder.
Ah, captain, we still waiting for the boy to recant?
Lieutenant Provenza's getting him to withdraw his charges now.
I expect Joan Marku will drop the suit as soon as Chief Johnson is done.
So you're off the hook.
Oh, good. So why the long face?
While I've been waiting here...
...the Salt Lake City Airport has been closed due to snow.
No flights in or out till tomorrow, so there goes Christmas.
Why, Sharon. You can have dinner with all of us here.
Your friend Brenda wouldn't have it any other way.
My friend Brenda?
My friend Brenda.
You know what? You come help me finish with the cooking...
...and I'll tell you some fun stories about Brenda Leigh when she was a girl.
- They'll make you laugh. - I'm sure they will.
- Come on. - Okay.
You make a beautiful Christmas table.
It's so festive.
You wouldn't know they call this place "the murder room." Would you?
Come on.
You can look through their pictures, but I ran the fingerprints of your Armand...
...against the database of war criminals wanted by Interpol...
...the war crimes tribunal...
...and the police in both Kosovo and Serbia.
And I came up with a big fat nothing.
He really is a ghost.
What happened to your head?
I was hiding something.
Ask me no questions and I will tell you no lies.
The chances of you proving that guy in your conference room...
...is a Serbian war criminal...
...even if he tells you his real name, are next to zero.
And he's bound to know that.
That's what I'm counting on.
Right this way, Mr. Marku.
I do not understand why you have told me my rights.
Are you suspecting me? Does this have anything to do with Skander?
We wanna make sure Skander's safe to go home.
Special Agent Howard from the FBI and I have a few questions for you.
What kind of questions?
Well, why don't we start with your real name?
- Excuse me? - It's not Armand Marku...
...that much we know for sure. - We tested your DNA...
...which clearly shows you're not the son of Shariq Marku...
...nor are you the brother of Anila...
...or Sara.
Curiously, however, you are related to Skander Marku.
He's your son. We've heard stories from you over the past few days...
...about why Shariq Marku tried to kill you.
Because you were carrying presents. Because you married a Christian girl.
Then it was because you escaped a genocide.
Now, let's try the truth and see where that leads us. Shall we?
All right.
Fine.
I told you how Joan and I met. Let me tell you another love story.
It's about a young Serbian man who fell in love with an Albanian girl.
Her father didn't approve.
And after the war, it was not just the girl's father...
...but the whole of Kosovo that hated him.
So he fled, using the name of his girlfriend's brother...
...who had died during the conflict.
This man, he, uh...
...he never knew what became of Anila or her family...
...and was unaware he even had a son.
Until a decade later when the girl's father tried to kill him.
Well, that's another great lie...
...and I bet if I let you sit here, you could come up with even more.
But I saw the bodies of Anila and Sara Marku.
Skander's a lot of things, but a lovechild? It's not one of them.
So let's let Agent Howard here tell a story of his own.
I have a roster of wanted war criminals from Kosovo and Serbia.
- War criminals? - Yes.
Because the attack on the village where the Markus are from...
...is considered to be an extreme violation of the rules of combat.
The person or persons responsible for those murders and rapes...
...should be tried at The Hague.
I think you might be one of those persons, sir.
Because I did not want my wife to know I have a child...
...with another woman...
...and I happen to have been a Serb living in Kosovo...
...I must be a war criminal?
You don't know what it's like to have your country torn apart.
What the Albanians did to us was horrifying.
You Americans should understand. Ours was a war against terror.
And the Markus? They're terrorists?
No matter what it looked like to the world, it was the Albanians against us.
And when you withdraw your troops, it will be them against us again.
To accuse me, personally, for a conflict...
...going back hundreds of years is ridiculous.
You're ridiculous. I'm not responsible.
Shariq Marku thought you were responsible.
He saw your face and he risked his life to kill you.
And when you found out that his family was alive...
...and that they could identify you...
...you went after Sara Marku and Anila, the mother of your child.
I loved Anila and I love that boy.
Prove it. Tell us your name, let's see if it's on the list.
- And if it's not on that list? - Then I will be forced...
...to let you take Skander and go.
But I need to know your real name, sir. You are not leaving as Armand Marku.
You have one chance at this, sir.
If you give me the wrong name, or you improperly identify yourself...
...I will have you deported back to Kosovo.
Who are you, sir?
Really?
Zoran.
My name is Zoran Antonovic.
Antonovic.
Okay.
I'm gonna go check on that.
Zoran Antonovic.
So you lied on your marriage license.
I used another name, yes.
Which means you're not legally married and you don't have privilege. Go, Buzz.
I had no choice.
Flynn, we're in business.
- But the vows were real. - The murders of Anila and Sara...
...after you shoved Shariq in front of a police car.
I did not shove Shariq in front of a police car.
I kept him from stabbing me to death...
...and he was accidentally crushed as a result of his own barbarism.
Can you not see that, huh? Are you blind?
- Buzz, over here. - Julio, open the door.
All right, Buzz, this side. This side.
I don't see anything.
Well, not yet. Give me a moment.
One, two, three.
I'm seeing a wiping pattern and blood.
- Blood! - We got him.
Agent Howard. Yeah, we got the son of a bitch.
Thank you, lieutenant.
There is no Zoran Antonovic...
...on any list of wanted or suspected war criminals.
As I said. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to see my wife.
Your wife? Oh, I'm sorry, sir. You're not married.
Go. Go.
You don't have a wife.
- And you're under arrest for murder. - Under arrest?
What do you mean? I'm not on the list. You just said, I wasn't on the list.
Of war criminals.
We found blood in your car. When I match that blood to Anila...
...you're gonna spend the rest of your life in prison for murder.
Sir, put your hands behind your back.
Now.
I have an alibi for these murders.
- Christmas concert you left to attend? - My wife will confirm...
What about after that boy told you where his aunt lived?
Will your wife say she was with you during that?
And do you have an alibi planned for after you kill Skander?
Why don't you tell it to me now, hmm? Let's get it over with.
Enjoy your little moment.
Let's go.
Hey. Hey.
We're going this way.
- Give me a second. - Hey.
It's time for your little moment.
Joan, I...
I want you to know, I have always loved you.
And regardless of what you might hear...
...we can get through this. I know we can.
And I want you to know...
...I'm taking Skander home with me.
Oh.
Thank God.
- Thank God. Thank you, Joanie. - And then I'm leaving with the children.
And you will never see any of them again as long as you live.
Joan?
Joanie. Joan, wait.
- Wait, please. - Shut up, you freak.
Joan? What are you doing?
Joan!
Brenda Leigh? A word, please.
It's important.
Your mother has something she wants to say to you.
- Oh, Mama? What is it? - Well, you know.
You live your whole life in a certain place, it becomes a part of you.
Food's going cold.
- What I wanna say is... - We're going back to Atlanta.
Oh, Daddy, no.
Brenda, you've made a wonderful life here...
...with a devoted husband and some very, very good friends.
And we're just not cut out for the Hollywood lifestyle.
Well, we're disappointed.
But we understand.
I hate to interrupt, but it is the holiday.
Any minute now, we'll be bombarded with suicides.
And I don't wanna see this dinner go to waste.
Amen. Excuse me.
- Oh, certainly. - Excuse me.
Willie Ray, look. Right here, sitting by me.
Oh, lieutenant.
I understand stealing the presents. Why'd you have to take the microwave?
Had to make it look good. L.A. is a scary place.
I will send them a brand-new microwave to their home...
...in Atlanta, Georgia.
Now, then who wants to carve the turkey?
Oh, yeah, yeah. Let me do it.
- Oh, come on. - Don't worry. I do this all day long.
Okay, everybody, just one second.
Say " Merry Christmas and Happy New Year" into the camera.
Really? For the sake of baby Jesus.
- Lieutenant, come on. - Can we just eat?
All right, lieutenant. We're ready.
All right. Let's do it. Here we go.
On three. One, two, three.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
- All right, everybody. Dig in. - All right, Willie Ray.
If anyone wants sweet potatoes, pass your plates down.
- There you go. - I did the marshmallows.
Oh, did you?
They're kind of burnt.